Mindfulness: Week 6 – Befriending

John in the midst of the BC mountains

John in the midst of the BC mountains

Week 6 – Befriending has been a beautiful week full of kindness, love, friendship and compassion towards myself, and those that I love and care for in my life.

Prior to starting the ten-minute “Befriending” meditation, my trusted guide gave me two options. I could prepare using some suggested meditations from prior weeks, or I could use the brief preparation within the meditation itself.

I was comfortable trying the latter. I took great care to maintain a dignified posture while being mindful of my body and breath. It worked well for me. I felt wakeful, quiet, calm and grounded.

My guide then asked me to consider how I truly felt about myself. Then he invited me to experience a different way of thinking. I would cultivate a sense of kindness and friendship towards myself, and then towards others.

No matter what my outside appearance suggested, I had to acknowledge that there were times when I felt sad, lonely and fearful on the inside. Additionally, that I first needed to wish myself well before I would be fully able to extend the same loving kindness to others.

Then, slowly and silently, I recited these three phrases:

May I be safe and free of suffering
May I be as happy and healthy as it is possible for me to be
May I have ease of being

Think of a waterfall as a continuing cascade of thoughts - Jon Kabat-Zinn

“Think of a waterfall as a continuing cascade of thoughts” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

“These words feel good, but am I worthy of such loving kindness?”, I wondered. Then my late Mother, to whom I was very close, and my dear wife Marjory, the love of my life, came to mind.

“Mom and Marjory love me unconditionally. So what would they wish for me at this time?” I asked myself.

Again, slowly and silently, I recited these three phrases:

May I be safe and free of suffering
May I be as happy and healthy as it is possible for me to be
May I have ease of being

I began to feel a warm glow radiating from my heart out to my entire body. I had started to establish a deep sense of love and friendship for myself.

Soon I was thinking of others to whom I might extend my love, friendship and kindness.

First, my dear ten-year old son came to mind. Having just started Grade 5 with a full slate of activities, his world was becoming a little hectic.

Then, there was the kind lady who works at our local recreational centre. I do not know her well, yet she always has a friendly word and warm smile for everyone, despite her ongoing health challenges.

One of my family members then came to mind. Although I struggle with our relationship from time to time, I know that she has a good heart.

A favourite summer hike - Cheakamus Lake

Sweet memories of our summer hike to Cheakamus Lake

Finally, I thought of the billions of people that share our planet earth, many of whom desperately need love, friendship and kindness right now.

Once more, slowly and silently, I recited these three phrases:

May you be safe and free of suffering
May you be as happy and healthy as it is possible for you to be
May you have ease of being

As I recited each phrase, I imagined that I had dropped a pebble down a deep well. Then I would mindfully listen for any reactions in my thoughts, feelings, and body sensations.

First there was silence as each pebble dropped, followed by a distance splash as it hit the water below. As the ripples of water extended toward the wall of the well, I felt that familiar heartfelt warmth extending throughout my entire body.

At the end of my meditation, I took some time to sit with the breath and the body, resting in the clear awareness of the present moment.

Meditation grove - Mundy Park

A favourite “after-running” meditation spot of mine – Mundy Park

For me, spending the week with the Befriending meditation was a deeply moving experience. In reciting the three phrases over and over, it became clear that despite my Mother’s unconditional love, I do not remember ever feeling safe and free of suffering as a child.

Through my adult years, it was much the same, until twelve years ago when I met and then married Marjory and we created our “world of love” together. Despite the many challenges that I still face, I now feel safe and loved.

Having now mentioned our “world of love”, I will tell you a short story about my “World of Love” poem that I shared with you in my “Week 4 – Sounds and Thoughts” blog.

I wrote this poem about a decade ago, and have always struggled with last word of the poem. A part of me thought the word “me” sounded a little self-indulgent, so I changed the last word to “thee”.

Although both words are true, having spent the past week with the “Befriending” meditation, I now know how important it is to love and befriend oneself first. Consequently, I am now entirely comfortable with my poem’s original last word.

Here’s the last verse:

“The world of love is everywhere
It’s right here for us all to see
And the love I feel for everyone
Is a love that I found in me.”

The clouds come and go, but the sky remains - Mark Williams & Danny Penman

“The clouds come and go, but the sky remains” – Mark Williams & Danny Penman

Now here are a few more final words for you, but this time from Albert Einstein:

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us the universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself; his thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restriction us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in it’s beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is itself a part of the liberation, and a foundation for inner security.”

Einstein’s words of wisdom came from Danny and Mark’s book. I wish to thank Professor Mark Williams and Dr. Danny Penman for writing the amazing book that inspired me to take this pivotal eight-week Mindfulness journey.

You can find out more about their book “Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World” at http://www.franticworld.com.

Finally, I look forward to starting “Week 7 – Learning to Dance Again” on Sunday and sharing my experiences with you in next week’s blog.

Namaste,

John

UVic colour - horizontal -NO Centre-crest on lhs

John Murphy is a volunteer Program Leader with the University of Victoria’s Centre on Aging, based in Ladner, BC. He currently facilitates their 6 week Chronic Pain Self-Management workshops (2½ hour per week) available free of charge across BC, to adults and caregivers who are dealing with chronic pain.

For more information on our Chronic Pain Self-Management workshop and other free of charge workshops, follow this link to our website:

http://www.selfmanagementbc.ca

Other Self-Management workshop and programs include:

– Arthritis and Fibromyalgia

– Chronic Disease

– Diabetes

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